Rough draft

"John Cena was a poor wrestler and even worse rapper who debuted at Terminal Solution in 2005, insulting far too many people and making quite a lot of enemies. Stupidly, he referred to Mr. Perfect as 'Mr. Perfection.' He went on to lose to Mike Sanders in a steel cage match, but somehow won the Battle Field when Chris Benoit, who is the devil himself, distracted Mr. Perfect at a critical juncture. Then some stuff happened that I'd rather not talk about because it involves sad times for the Perfect Team (self-proclaimed) and happy times for useless pieces of junk like Shawn Michaels. Eventually, he was murdered by Excellence at PWF Aggression and was never seen again. The End."

The uncultured Dominic Jones didn't like this version, but if you ask me, it's very accurate.