No cyborgs are allowed in Panjabe's world
Recoil was, as expected by all involved, a tremendous show. Panjabe was very impressed with the way everything went, especially in the main event. After all, it proved once and for all that there are in fact no cyborgs or robotic grapplers of any kind in the Professional Wrestling Federation. Many people may wonder exactly what I mean by that, after all, cyborgs and other such android-like individuals do not exist. Or do they?
For at Power Trip, at the beginning of May, I watched in awed silence as Rob Van Dam made his very triumphant return as the show concluded. This silence was not because I was glad to see "RVD" back in action, but rather because his mannerisms stunned Panjabe and left me breathless. This man sprinted to the ring and single-handedly laid waste to the entire Perfect Team (self-proclaimed). All of them. Even Mr. Perfect was sent running away, fleeing as if from the scene of a particularly gruesome murder. No man can do this. No human, anyway.
So my theory became born! Rob Van Dam could not be human. He had to be a cyborg of some sort, to dish out such punishment to the Perfect Team (self-proclaimed). As weeks went by, it was obvious that this was a very real possibility. First he defeated Taz, even as Mr. Perfect attempted to interfere. He even beat up Mr. Perfect! Simply unfathomable, and not in an Edge-and-Christian-talking-about-Chris-Jericho way. As Recoil approached, I waited to see if he would in fact eliminate the entire Perfect Team (self-proclaimed) from the main event single-handedly and prove me right.
Fear took hold of me. If Rob Van Dam was a cyborg, surely he was not the only one. There could be robotic menaces walking amongst us at all times, able to pass for human until a fight started! Dear readers, I do not have to tell you, the coming of a robotic apocalypse within Panjabe's lifetime was filling me with dread. So I prayed to six entire pantheons of gods that Van Dam not be a cyborg. And when Shane Douglas was actually able to pin the man, rendering him once again mortal and human in the eyes of all, I was finally able to breathe easily.
The wonderment still remains, though. Surely Rob Van Dam is no normal man. Even if he was stopped at Recoil, he still performed feats that were impossible for mere humans. So what is he? More research must be done. I am thinking perhaps a shaved wolfman. At first I thought he could be a zombie ... but everyone knows there couldn't possibly be a wrestling zombie. That'd be just plain dumb.
I will find out, though! Run while you can, Rob Van Dam! Panjabe Ishboo will learn your secrets!
For at Power Trip, at the beginning of May, I watched in awed silence as Rob Van Dam made his very triumphant return as the show concluded. This silence was not because I was glad to see "RVD" back in action, but rather because his mannerisms stunned Panjabe and left me breathless. This man sprinted to the ring and single-handedly laid waste to the entire Perfect Team (self-proclaimed). All of them. Even Mr. Perfect was sent running away, fleeing as if from the scene of a particularly gruesome murder. No man can do this. No human, anyway.
So my theory became born! Rob Van Dam could not be human. He had to be a cyborg of some sort, to dish out such punishment to the Perfect Team (self-proclaimed). As weeks went by, it was obvious that this was a very real possibility. First he defeated Taz, even as Mr. Perfect attempted to interfere. He even beat up Mr. Perfect! Simply unfathomable, and not in an Edge-and-Christian-talking-about-Chris-Jericho way. As Recoil approached, I waited to see if he would in fact eliminate the entire Perfect Team (self-proclaimed) from the main event single-handedly and prove me right.
Fear took hold of me. If Rob Van Dam was a cyborg, surely he was not the only one. There could be robotic menaces walking amongst us at all times, able to pass for human until a fight started! Dear readers, I do not have to tell you, the coming of a robotic apocalypse within Panjabe's lifetime was filling me with dread. So I prayed to six entire pantheons of gods that Van Dam not be a cyborg. And when Shane Douglas was actually able to pin the man, rendering him once again mortal and human in the eyes of all, I was finally able to breathe easily.
The wonderment still remains, though. Surely Rob Van Dam is no normal man. Even if he was stopped at Recoil, he still performed feats that were impossible for mere humans. So what is he? More research must be done. I am thinking perhaps a shaved wolfman. At first I thought he could be a zombie ... but everyone knows there couldn't possibly be a wrestling zombie. That'd be just plain dumb.
I will find out, though! Run while you can, Rob Van Dam! Panjabe Ishboo will learn your secrets!
posted by Panjabe Ishboo at 12:18 AM
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